Looking back

Early this week a girlfriend at work had a little baby girl. As soon as I heard, my mind went immediately back to the day we were headed to the hospital to have Cooper. We had no idea what to expect. This could be because I didn't listen in any of our classes. I couldn't. Some people like to know all the possible situations and what will happen under each. However, I apparently was not one of those people. If you know me, you would think this is very odd. I didn't want to think about it. Looking back, I was too scared to know. I knew that God would watch over us and things would happen as they should. Did I need to know all the details beforehand? Obviously not, because I knew nothing! I even had to ask Eddie when we pulled into the hospital, "Do you know what floor we are supposed to go to?" Of course he knew, he listened. He was good like that. Through all of our classes I think he saw I was overwhelmed and couldn't listen, so he did. He took notes, paid attention, basically he tackled it like everything else that is given to him. He is diligent like that.

I remember staying up the entire night before we were scheduled to head to the hospital. I couldn't sleep. I was about to meet the little boy who had been kicking me for months. I thought about who he would look like, what kind of baby he would be, would I be any good at this being a mother thing. No wonder I couldn't sleep!

I thought about my girlfriend and all the things she was experiencing - those first moments, the complete fear of actually going home. (Funny how you never think about the going home part - you think about having the baby, about playing with the baby - but the actual fact of taking them home for the first time never crosses your mind until they say you are being released from the hospital. ) We have come a long way in 7 short months. I wouldn't have it any other way. I still don't know the exact thing to do every day, but somehow we figure it out. Maybe God was trying to prepare me for the fact that I am sometimes not going to know what to do or what is going to happen and that is ok. Cooper knows that we love him. He's the best thing that ever happened to us. Funny how such a little person can put your entire life into perspective ,isn't it?